I have no idea what I want to do.
I don't need to be married. I don't need to get sucked back in the place I previously was. My fear is not being alone, it's losing myself again. Which, I am well aware, can happen outside of a marriage.
As promised, my theories on the whole situation:
1) He doesn't love me, he loves the idea of being married. Having someone to take care of the kids, do the bills, cook, clean, etc., keep the home fires burning, and being able to take the credit for it because "that's my wife".
2) An impending deployment makes people do stupid shit. Like ask for a divorce via text message. And then tell that person a few weeks later they have changed their mind. Conveniently after dumped spouse lets them know they're ready to file paperwork.
3) See point 2, add "I need someone to take care of my shit while I'm deployed, like pay my bills."
4) It's hard to counsel soldiers on how to not be a dirtbag husband when you are a dirtbag husband.
5) It doesn't look good to be a newly promoted so and so when you're divorcing wife number 2 and special needs child.
6) He really does want us back.
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So. There are my thoughts in a nutshell. Financially, I could use the extra income until I get some of my lingering bills from the house paid off and get back on my feet. I can be the bigger person and take care of his business for him while he is deployed (of course, I can do that not as his wife, but as his power-of-attorney also). I can agree to work my hardest at making this marriage work.
What I can NOT do is:
1) Be the only one working at this marriage.
2) Pick up where we left off.
3) Lose sight of my needs and my goals trying to make someone happy who is more than capable and is responsible for his own happiness.
4) Let his passive-aggressive/snide comments about the decrease in frequency of our sex life get to me. (Oh yeah, he said it. I told him to get bent - to try to take care of two children, fight chronic depression, be isolated, have no friends, and feel sexy when someone's idea of foreplay is 'can I get a blow job?'.
5) Give in.
I'd appreciate all sorts of thoughts and advice and hugs and nachos.
Hey Kelly, wife number 3 technically. You are an ahhhhhmazing woman, mother, friend (to someone that most wouldn't understand) being wife number 2 was difficult as well. I am proud if you for overcoming all of your obstacles. He put you through exactly what he put me through all the while stringing along someone else. He begged me to give him one more chance in November of 2006 and again Xmas eve 2012 ... What I would give to know why he is the way he is. Love you to pieces girl. You are one of a kind. Many any hugs from Violet and me. Completely agree with your friends comment above.
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